Tucker Carlson, a former political chat host on CNN and Fox News, has claimed that he was attacked and “physically mauled” by a demon while he was asleep, leaving him with scars and bleeding from “claw marks.” He made the claim during an interview for a documentary and said that the experience led him to start reading the Bible. Carlson did not detail where or when this alleged attack happened. He was dismissed from Fox News after the company settled a lawsuit with Dominion Voting Systems over false election-related statements and conspiracy theories. He has since been campaigning for former President Donald Trump.
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Trump Roasted by McDonald’s Staff: ‘Where’s His Hairnet?’
The recent spectacle of Donald Trump appearing at a McDonald’s drive-thru has left me in a state of profound disbelief and, dare I say, amusement. The thought of a man who has spent most of his life in ostentatious wealth trying to engage in the everyday hustle of flipping burgers is laughable. Imagine the chaos that would ensue if he actually had to work a full shift. I can’t picture him lasting even an hour without throwing a tantrum or inquiring about the nearest escape route. He has lived in a realm so detached from everyday struggles that he would be completely bewildered by the demands of the role.… Continue reading
Trump Makes Fries at McDonald’s in Bizarre Attempt to Troll Harris
I couldn’t believe my eyes when I saw the headlines – Donald Trump, the former President of the United States, actually making fries at a McDonald’s in what can only be described as a bizarre attempt to troll his opponent, Kamala Harris. As someone who once worked as a cashier at Target, I couldn’t help but feel a sense of disbelief at the audacity of this stunt.
To match his trolling efforts, some have suggested that Harris should borrow millions from a slumlord, Fred Trump, and then lose it all.… Continue reading
I must say, when I first came across the headline “Don Jr boasts dad knows McDonald’s menu better than Harris ever did,” I couldn’t help but let out a quirky chuckle. I mean, seriously, is this where we’re at in the midst of what has been dubbed the “dumbest presidential election” of our lives? It’s a real head-scratcher to think that knowing the McDonald’s menu inside out is now considered a badge of honor.
I gotta hand it to Don Jr, though, if there’s one thing his dad excels at, it’s probably ordering Big Macs and Filet-O-Fish. I mean, the man reportedly spent over 31k on McDonald’s in just twenty-one months!… Continue reading
The wind. Something so natural and elemental that we take for granted in our everyday lives. But leave it to Trump to turn something as simple as the wind into a bizarre, nonsensical ramble. I mean, seriously, who gets upset about wind turbines ruining their view? Oh, right. Trump does. His vendetta against windmills seems to have stemmed from his golf course in Scotland being spoiled by an offshore wind farm. Talk about being petty.
During a recent speech, Trump went off on a tangent about how windmills, or should I say wind turbines (because apparently, he can’t tell the difference), are falling down, rusting, and ruining the countryside.… Continue reading
“I’d be sunbathing with my beautiful body if I wasn’t running for president,” says Trump. Can we take a moment to digest the sheer audacity of this statement? This man really believes he has a body worthy of admiration, comparing himself to President Biden no less. The image of a shirtless Trump conjures up visions of a waterbed with a head on it, or perhaps Jabba the Hutt with a spray tan. It’s enough to make you want to reach for the bleach he once suggested as a COVID remedy.
As I read through these comments, I can’t help but feel a mixture of disgust and disbelief.… Continue reading
I can’t help but chuckle as I read about Fox News cutting off a ranting Trump and then mocking him for still talking. It seems like a turning point, a moment where even those who have enabled him for so long are starting to see the cracks in the facade. Trump’s delusional claims of success and refusal to accept any sort of reality or criticism are on full display, and even Fox News, who built their brand around him, seems to be fed up.
It’s comical to see Trump grasping at straws, trying to maintain his grip on a narrative that is slipping through his fingers.… Continue reading
Barack Obama has once again showcased his unparalleled ability to deliver a cutting blow to Donald Trump with grace and finesse. The recent jab at Trump’s weird obsession with crowd sizes was not only artful but also calculated. As Obama made a gesture with his hands and looked down at them, the audience erupted in laughter, knowing full well the implications of his subtle yet powerful comment.
What makes Obama’s takedown of Trump so impactful is the fact that it hits Trump where it hurts the most – his fragile ego. By ridiculing Trump’s fixation on superficial measures of success, such as crowd sizes, Obama effectively exposes the pettiness and insecurity that lie at the core of Trump’s persona.… Continue reading
It’s hard to wrap my head around the recent news of MAGA supporters donating semen cups to show that J.D. Vance has stronger sperm than Tim Walz. The absurdity of this situation is beyond belief. The actions of these individuals are not only bizarre but also incredibly disrespectful and cruel. Mocking someone for their personal struggles with fertility, as Tim Walz bravely shared about his daughter, is a new low. How can anyone claim to be a good, decent human being while engaging in such despicable behavior?
The fact that these individuals are so engrossed in this strange competition between sperm strength as a measure of masculinity is both laughable and disturbing.… Continue reading
Every time I hear about Trump’s latest antics, it feels like I’m witnessing a live performance of a deranged circus act. With Froot Loops by his side, Trump gives another cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs performance, further solidifying his status as a creepy, weird, and out-of-touch individual unfit to lead a country, much less handle a simple cash register.
During his latest speech, Trump meandered through nonsensical ramblings, showcasing his inability to maintain a coherent thought. Surrounded by tables of bacon and condiments, he delivered a 50-minute tirade filled with personal attacks, delusions of grandeur, and baseless claims that seemed disconnected from reality.… Continue reading
John Q. Hosedrinker 
Matt Underwood