By John Q. Hosedrinker 
Following the Kremlin’s seizure of Danone’s Russian operations, close associates of Chechen leader Ramzan Kadyrov have amassed vast fortunes. Kadyrov’s nephew, Yakub Zakriev, was appointed head of the rebranded company and subsequently acquired a luxury estate and deposited millions into a Gazprombank account. His former assistant, Ruslan Alisultanov, listed as the sole beneficiary of the company, has similarly profited immensely, holding billions in a deposit account and purchasing a costly penthouse. This state-sponsored acquisition of a multi-billion dollar Western enterprise, with virtually no financial investment from Kadyrov’s associates, highlights a systematic transfer of wealth to the regime’s inner circle.
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It appears that Kadyrov’s nephew has managed to turn Danone’s Russian assets into a personal fortune, effectively becoming an overnight billionaire, albeit in rubles, as one might infer. This whole situation paints a rather stark picture of investing in Russia, suggesting that anything and everything is fair game for being taken. The reported value of a plot of land and a house at around 1 billion rubles, which translates to roughly $13.3 million, is a significant sum.
However, what truly takes the cake are the leaked bank records. In early 2024, Kadyrov’s nephew apparently opened a deposit account at Gazprombank with a staggering 1.5 billion rubles, or about $20 million. The interest generated from this alone was an astonishing 224 million rubles, approximately $2.98 million. This rapid accumulation of wealth certainly raises eyebrows.
Reflecting on Danone’s presence in Russia, some recall fond childhood memories. For them, Danone was a significant part of their upbringing, with a substantial investment in the country back in the 90s. Even humble local grocery stores featured a “luxurious Danone section,” offering a chance to try new yogurts, transforming what might seem like a simple dairy product into an exciting treat through branding, a wide selection, and constant rotation. It was, in essence, a “local yogurt Disneyland.”
The unfortunate turn of events for companies like Danone, which invested in Russia when it appeared to be genuinely aligned with the West, is a recurring theme. Now, it seems the sentiment is that any company that continued to invest after 2022, even after the conflict ends, might deserve the consequences that follow. The notion of a “self-made Russian billionaire” in this context is met with cynicism, drawing parallels to how Vladimir Putin is perceived as the world’s richest person.
There’s a rather blunt suggestion that the house acquired by Kadyrov’s nephew should immediately have all its windows above the first floor removed. This is delivered with a touch of dark humor, implying a certain style of ownership or perhaps a fear of vulnerability. The comment about “loads of absolute helmets” thinking this is a victory highlights a skeptical view of such acquisitions.
The French food giant, Danone, apparently thought they were being shrewd by investing in an unreliable economy, and when other companies were pulling back, they were positioned to profit. However, this calculation seems to have backfired spectacularly, leading to the observation that stupidity is incorrigible. The focus then shifts to the nephew, with a prediction that his sons will likely become “Uber billionaires” themselves, a grim extension of this family’s apparent knack for wealth accumulation.
A personal touch is added by someone wishing their own uncle had achieved something significant in life, framing the nephew as a “real self-made man” in a twisted sense. The phrase “Making Russia Great Again?” is posed sarcastically, emphasizing the questionable nature of these gains. The situation is deemed “wicked” and “hilarious” simultaneously, a reflection of the absurdity of it all.
Interestingly, there’s a lack of sympathy for Danone in some quarters. A question is raised about how Kadyrov’s nephew is managing to secure such high interest rates, with a later explanation that these rates are significantly higher in Russia than in developed countries due to instability and inflation. The observation that yogurt isn’t exactly a dessert is playfully countered by someone who enjoys yogurt as a dessert almost every night in 2026, validating the original sentiment.
The deeply ingrained belief that Russia was never aligned with the West and never will be is strongly articulated. There’s a call for studying the phenomenon of people convincing themselves otherwise, despite Russia’s consistent actions proving them wrong. Russia is consistently portrayed as a “nightmare for western companies,” easy to invest in but difficult to withdraw from. The only real misfortune for Danone, in this view, is that the original decision-makers who invested decades ago have likely long since departed and are enjoying their profits elsewhere.
A significant point of contention is the idea that Russia was ever aligned with the West. Pre-2022 threats of nuclear attacks, numerous assassinations and plots, and the use of gas and oil for corruption are cited as evidence that this alignment was never truly present. The nephew is described as sitting in a bunker, too scared to leave, which is seen as a primary reason for his respect among aspiring kleptocrats, framing him as a “role model for a piece of shit.”
There’s a clarification that companies invested decades ago and their Russian assets were seized after they pulled out. This article, it’s noted, doesn’t suggest Danone did anything similar. Danone started investing in Russia in 1992 and withdrew after the war began, implying a large assumption was made based solely on the headline. The fact that they invested since 1992, employing around 100,000 people according to the article, and left the Russian market after the full invasion of Ukraine in 2022 is highlighted.
The Russian government’s transfer of seized companies to “crooks” is acknowledged. The high interest rates are attributed to the instability and inflation in the Russian economy, where such high rates are necessary to incentivize lending. This is compared to high interest rates on less stable currencies in other countries. War spending is identified as a significant driver of inflation, which in turn pushes interest rates up.
The high inflation in Russia, exacerbated by the war, is seen as the reason for high interest rates. Since the start of 2024, deposit rates in Russian banks have ranged between 14% and 22%. Without these high rates, people would lose money due to inflation and opt for more stable currencies, which would be detrimental to the economy. The notion that starting a “senseless war” and facing drone attacks negatively impacts the economy is met with a sarcastic “haha.”
A simpler, perhaps more relatable perspective on yogurt as a dessert is offered: a couple of scoops of Greek yogurt with frozen berries and granola. The paradox of people who grew up being told Russia was an enemy now being “cozied up” with them is found perplexing.
It’s acknowledged that in Putin’s early years, he made “good noises” about collaboration with Europe, leading to a period of peace and trade. While Russia wasn’t seen as an ally, it wasn’t necessarily an adversary for everyone but the most staunch military hawks. This context made it seem safe for companies to invest. Ultimately, though, the consensus is that Russia was never truly aligned with the West and never will be, and a hope is expressed that politicians have learned this lesson.
The Yeltsin era is remembered as a time when Russia genuinely seemed to be making an effort, despite his flaws. However, the current “Russia” is described as a diminished USSR with a new facade and the same “rotten elites.”
A final thought is offered, suggesting that the West, despite its perceived bureaucratic image, is the most formidable power on Earth, while Russia is a backwater state with the GDP of Italy, albeit possessing nuclear weapons. Any dealings with Russia were historically in the West’s interest, and now that this is no longer the case, energy sources are being rapidly shifted. The West is expected to survive, and Russia is likely to collapse again, as it has in the past. While not every decision may have been perfect, making mistakes is not the same as being blind or delusional, especially given the unpredictable nature of the world and the benefit of hindsight.