By Matt Underwood 
A French hospital found itself in an unprecedented situation, requiring a dramatic evacuation when a patient presented with a rather explosive predicament: a World War I artillery shell lodged in his rectum. The discovery, made during surgery at the Rangueil Accident and Emergency unit in Toulouse, sent shockwaves through the medical facility and necessitated the immediate involvement of bomb disposal experts. The patient, a 24-year-old man, had apparently sought medical attention after experiencing considerable pain over the weekend.
The specifics surrounding how the man acquired such a formidable item and the circumstances of its insertion remain largely a mystery. Local reports suggest that upon admission, the patient did not immediately disclose the nature of the object causing his distress. It was only when medical staff began surgical intervention that the unsettling truth emerged: the foreign body was an unexploded ordnance, dating back to 1918. The mere presence of such a volatile item, even after nearly a century, posed a significant risk of detonation, creating a perilous environment within the hospital.
The potential for a catastrophic explosion prompted urgent calls to bomb disposal teams, who arrived on the scene to assess and manage the dangerous situation. The fire brigade was also reportedly on standby as a precautionary measure. Fortunately, after a tense period of assessment, experts were able to safely remove the shell, averting a potential disaster and ensuring no further risk to the hospital or its occupants. The incident, while resolved without further harm, has sparked a continuing investigation into the man’s actions, and he may potentially face legal repercussions for violations of weapons legislation.
This startling event, however, is not an isolated incident. It appears that the idea of a munition finding its way into a person’s posterior is not as rare as one might initially assume. In fact, a similar episode occurred in Southeast France in 2022, where an 88-year-old patient arrived at a hospital with a comparable issue, leading to a partial evacuation. Such occurrences raise a collective eyebrow, prompting a shared sense of bewilderment as to how these dangerous objects end up in such intimate and perilous locations.
The medical community, particularly emergency room professionals, apparently has a repertoire of unusual cases involving foreign objects removed from patients. Anecdotal evidence from ER doctors and hospital administrators suggests that the human body, specifically the rectal cavity, has served as an unintentional receptacle for a diverse array of items. From common fruits and vegetables like carrots, cucumbers, and squash, to household objects such as candles, marbles, action figures, bottles, and even a Phillips Sonicare toothbrush, the list of things that have been found lodged in people’s rectums is surprisingly extensive and often quite bizarre. One administrator even recounted a case involving 17 plastic horses being removed, with the patient’s condition humorously listed as “STABLE.”
The sheer incredulity of the artillery shell incident, however, seems to surpass even these outlandish accounts. The phrase “Rectum, damn near killed ’em!” takes on a particularly literal and terrifying dimension in this context. It’s a scenario that has, for some, conjured images of dramatic television medical dramas, with one observer noting it sounded like an episode of Grey’s Anatomy. The thought of the sheer engineering and ingenuity required to “resolve” such a medical emergency sparks a flurry of imaginative, if somewhat morbid, questions. Would bomb squad members be scrubbing in for surgery? Would doctors don protective suits? Or would some more unconventional, perhaps magnetic, approach be employed?
The notion of unexploded munitions lying dormant across landscapes, particularly in areas like France, remnants of past conflicts, is a sobering reality. Farmers frequently unearth these dangerous relics during their agricultural work, a phenomenon often referred to as the “iron harvest.” The inherent instability of these unearthed artifacts necessitates the routine involvement of bomb disposal teams to ensure public safety. This ongoing presence of historical ordnance underscores the potential for accidental encounters, though the specific circumstances leading to this particular patient’s predicament remain a topic of bewilderment and dark humor.
The incident has certainly provided fodder for speculation and commentary, ranging from jokes about “ammosexuals” and “explosive diarrhea” to questions about how such an item could be sourced and inserted. The sheer audacity and inherent danger of the situation have led some to suggest that perhaps simpler, safer alternatives for personal exploration might be more advisable. Ultimately, this extraordinary event serves as a stark reminder of the unpredictable nature of human behavior and the unforeseen challenges that medical professionals can face, often in the most unexpected of circumstances.