By John Q. Hosedrinker 
The Vatican recently issued a document, signed by Pope Leo XIV, warning against the rise of polyamory and reaffirming the Church’s stance on monogamous marriage. The note, titled “One Flesh – In Praise of Monogamy,” emphasizes marriage as the exclusive, lifelong partnership between a man and a woman, addressing the growing prevalence of non-monogamous unions, including polyamory and discussions on polygamy in Africa. The 40-page document highlights the importance of the “unitive” aspect of sex within marriage, beyond procreation, and underscores the foundation of unity within marriage. Cardinal Victor Manuel Fernández, the prefect of the Vatican’s doctrine office, explained the document aimed to explain the importance of an exclusive union of love.
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Vatican warns against rise in polyamory, saying ‘succession of faces’ does not rival exclusive union, and honestly, it’s not exactly surprising. Let’s be clear, the Pope and the Vatican are essentially reiterating their established stance on marriage and relationships, which prioritizes the traditional, exclusive union. It’s in line with their core doctrines, so in a way, it’s just business as usual. It’s like your geography teacher telling you the world isn’t flat, right? It’s hardly groundbreaking news.
The debate around polyamory, as it unfolds, is multifaceted. It does highlight a clash of ideologies. On one side, we have the Vatican, advocating for traditional monogamy. On the other, we have individuals and communities exploring and practicing polyamorous relationships, and there seems to be a significant difference in how these two viewpoints engage with reality.
In reality, polyamory certainly isn’t a widespread phenomenon, at least not yet. The comments suggest that many people, even those living in areas where it’s more prevalent, haven’t encountered a truly stable and healthy polyamorous relationship. Jealousy, broken rules, and dishonesty are often cited as common pitfalls, leading to what is described as “shitshows.” It’s a challenging model, requiring immense communication, maturity, and a level of emotional intelligence that, it’s argued, many people simply don’t possess, even in monogamous relationships. This perspective underscores that successful polyamory demands far more effort and commitment than monogamy, and the odds of success seem slim, as per the opinions of many.
There’s also a recurring theme of skepticism about the motivations behind polyamory, particularly when it comes to men. Some speculate that it’s often a way for men to have multiple sexual partners while still maintaining the benefits of a settled relationship. In this view, polyamory becomes a tool for exploiting societal norms rather than a genuine exploration of alternative relationship structures.
Economic pressures add another layer to the discussion. In the current economic climate, the practicality of pooling resources is apparent. The idea of splitting bills, childcare, and household responsibilities among multiple adults has undeniable appeal. It’s a practical consideration, especially when faced with the increasing cost of living, which may make alternative arrangements that much more attractive.
However, many express a lack of belief that the Vatican has the moral authority to weigh in on relationships. The ongoing issue of child sexual abuse within the Catholic Church casts a long shadow, undermining its credibility on matters of sexuality and morality. It’s hard to take relationship advice from an organization that has failed to protect children from abuse.
The responses show that many feel that the Vatican’s pronouncements are out of touch with modern realities, and, frankly, hypocritical, given historical and current issues. The hypocrisy is made worse by the fact that many within the church have engaged in behaviors far outside what it preaches and condemns. The focus on “a succession of faces” is considered tone-deaf and fails to acknowledge the complex realities of human relationships.
There is a sense that the Vatican’s warnings are less about genuine concern for individuals and more about upholding a specific set of religious doctrines. A more pressing concern, is the sexual abuse of children. This sentiment is amplified by the perception that the church is prioritizing its own teachings over the well-being of its members and the broader community.
The comments also reflect a spectrum of individual experiences with polyamory. Some report positive and fulfilling relationships, spanning decades, while others share negative experiences. These contrasting viewpoints demonstrate that polyamory, like any relationship model, isn’t inherently good or bad; its success depends on the individuals involved. However, the resounding message is that this path requires a huge amount of work and communication skills to even be considered a success.
Ultimately, the Vatican’s warning against polyamory is a reinforcement of its traditional stance. It reflects a view of relationships that prioritizes exclusivity and the sanctity of marriage. While this view may resonate with some, it clashes with the lived experiences and aspirations of others. And in a world that is always changing and challenging norms, the conversation about love, relationships, and societal expectations will continue to evolve, regardless of any warning.