By John Q. Hosedrinker 
On August 10, 2025, former DOJ employee Sean Charles Dunn allegedly threw a sandwich at a Customs and Border Protection officer in Washington, D.C. Initially, prosecutors sought a felony assault charge, but after failing to secure a grand jury indictment, they proceeded with a misdemeanor assault charge instead. Dunn was subsequently fired from his position at the DOJ. The U.S. Attorney’s office, led by Jeanine Pirro, is prosecuting the case.
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Feds charge fired DOJ employee with misdemeanor for ‘Subway’ sandwich throw in D.C. – well, this is something, isn’t it? It’s pretty hard to imagine the legal resources that have already been poured into this, and the fact that it all revolves around a thrown sandwich is, well, quite something. You can’t help but wonder if this whole thing isn’t a bit of an embarrassment for everyone involved. Honestly, the anticipation of either a complete acquittal or a minimal penalty, like time served and a tiny fine, is quite a thought.
The whole situation feels, well, a bit ridiculous. There’s a certain level of disbelief in seeing such a strong response to a seemingly minor incident. It’s like the focus is misplaced, the priorities are skewed. You can’t help but wonder if a jury trial would be the right move here, a chance to make a point about the absurdity of the whole thing. It feels like the energy could be better spent.
Now, here’s an interesting wrinkle: in the US, it’s not just a simple case of charging someone with a felony. A grand jury has to be involved first, which usually acts as a formality – hence the saying that they could “indict a ham sandwich.” However, in this particular case, the grand jury didn’t sign off on the felony charges. So now, we’re looking at misdemeanor charges, which the government can impose without that initial hurdle. It’s almost an invitation to make a mockery of the proceedings. Imagine the courtroom scene!
Picture this: a trial as entertaining as it is ridiculous. Exhibit A: the sub sandwich itself. Summon all the law enforcement officers as hostile witnesses, and then cross-examine them on every element of the crime. Did the sandwich meet the legal definition of assault? Did they enjoy a delicious Subway sandwich? Did they arrest anyone? It’s likely that it won’t work, but it could be a lot of fun and a huge waste of federal money. Borrow a template from the “Chicago 7” trial and go wild. The prosecutor could become a laughingstock. “Where’s the evidence, your Honor?” “The prosecutor ate it, your Honor.” “Assault with a deli weapon.” It’s almost what should have happened from the beginning.
It’s difficult not to see the whole thing as an overreach, especially considering the initial push for felony assault charges. This isn’t just about the sandwich; it’s about a bigger picture. It feels like a case of political persecution, and it’s happening in a city where the population isn’t necessarily thrilled with the presence of federal law enforcement or the National Guard patrolling their streets.
The world seems upside down sometimes. While this guy gets charged, others, such as Ashley Babbitt, get military funerals. The legal system, when viewed from some angles, seems to have lost its focus. It’s hard to imagine a jury actually convicting him. The whole thing just seems like intimidation.
The fact that a SWAT team was allegedly deployed for a thrown sandwich is the real story here. It speaks to a certain… intensity. So, the felony charge didn’t stick? Who would have thought? It seems the prosecution’s efforts just couldn’t find the legal basis for those charges.
So, it’s now a misdemeanor. One has to ask why, when there are more pressing issues to be concerned about, this is what the DOJ chose to pursue. Perhaps a plea deal along the lines of “release the Epstein files”? Subway could use this for a marketing opportunity. The guy should insist on a trial, with the defense being something like, he tripped over his own two feet, and the sandwich just happened to land on… well, you get the idea. Maybe a jury will side with him, just to stick it to the man.
One has to consider the consequences of all the actions: It feels like a double jeopardy situation. After so many losses for the department, a win, at all costs, might be sought. How ironic, that those who carry guns get a pass, and those who throw sandwiches are the targets.
Should the accused demand a jury trial? Absolutely. Does this mean the felony charges have been dropped? It would appear so.
The chance to throw food at someone is worth taking seriously. Subway could do the funniest promotion right now. Maybe hand out free subs at protests. If I was available for jury duty, I’d go.
The only way this trial could be weirder is if it resembled a scene from “Monty Python.” As the defense has no basis for the charges, it feels like an utter waste. Nobody was hurt, and nobody feared for their safety. The real issue is how those in charge have failed. If that’s not branding opportunity, what is? Self-defense is an option in court. He was protecting himself! Set up a GoFundMe and get the top defense attorneys on board for the exposure.
The bottom line: you’ll win and get rich. And there is no chance the jury is convicting. This is a desperate attempt to look tough in the face of criticism.
So, maybe throwing a cotton ball at the feds is the answer! The whole thing is quite embarrassing. This lawyer’s resume will be one for the ages: “My big case involved ham and cheese…” Let’s get this guy a job with Subway. He should sue to get his job back. I want to see this go to trial because whoever is the prosecutor will pretty much depth charge their law career after this. I forsee many more sandwiches being tossed now. Is that an original Banksy?